Rabbit

     Rabbit

           Mourning at My Desk

my brother bought you

     (heedlessly, with sudden vague compassion)

because you were too old to be “so cute”.

     And with you

bought the silent sharer of your mute existence.

     And you were

incomprehensibly, brought here

as a compensation

for the still white body in the pen

     And the children fed you

as they chanced upon the thought

then, as heedlessly as you were bought,

the silent twin of your black duo died.

     And there you were.

     And there was I.

i fed you,

gave you drink.

     (we were, in our strange way, the same)

we lived a silent survival.

not from pity! did you find

existence in my hands

but from a shared realization

of helpless dependence.

arbitrarily, I chose.

     And you had life.

i was your physical breath

     And asked nothing:

no silent stillness

to touch your sleek fur

     (you asked, like me, no soft caress to live)

carelessly,

they gave you death

leaving you gasping

in the burn-dead heat of the sun.

you twisted

convulsed

on the brown rug

     And slowly stiffened

until you became

an unnatural hard lump of flesh

brushed with satin fur

animal

     (dead-dumb your eyes)

why should I care?

i who never owned you,

i but gave sustenance

     And suddenly became

your last touch.

i dug a hollow

in the rocky dirt

my eyes misted grey

     (i gave no tear)

my tears were the drops

of hot sweat on my back

as I broke through roots

     And crushed rocks.

i lifted your body

i had never touched a thing so dead before

i heaped the dirt upon you

     (your face was not covered, the earth touched it)

     And breathed a mourning chant

in rhythm to the shovel swing

for I am still alive

animal, I never called you mine.

why then, do I see

your glazed eyes transposed

over the piano keys

     (ever and ever there)

as I play the Pathetique?

(This was the only poem I ever spent much time revising. Obviously, not enough time. However, I will say that once you've seen a rabbit convulsing to death from heat stroke, it kinda sticks in your head. Especially the screaming.)