In the mist

everything is dull

gray

misty

sad

the mist distorts things

makes them seem to be

what they are not

a few chirps from some brave bird

are all I hear

the rain is drizzling

a shameful defeat

every gleam of light is hidden

in the mist

like the cloak of night

it comes

covers

smothers

all rebellion

all hope of victory is gone

an old wizened tree

in place of the strong oak that once was

in the sunlight

and now we: those who once fought bravely,

are in the mist

2\6\96

(um...yeah, I don't know where that was going)

It is my loss

it is my loss

that you, who once were fair

are now cold earth

your breath mere air.

I had thought

you were of different kind

your flesh immortal

deathless, your mind

glowed

like tintillating stars

one look

worth molten gold

you are now still

dead, molded, rot

has taken over

the glad thing that once you were

9/28/01

(Yep, Teasdale and Millay)

Shall I go walking on--

Shall I go walking on?

the habit grows

of biting back the tears.

One evening gone,

“And there shall come soft rain”

I plant my feet

And let the wind go rushing by

With it the voices

Crouch and gambol past

I am encased

In a rectangular box of glass

the teratoid visages I cannot see

I am alone

with me

struggling to cast off my reserve

and weep out toward the stars.

6/28/99

(Definitely had been reading a lot of Sara Teasdale and Edna St. Vincent Millay)

Did I once fear

did I once fear

the silence of the dark

I long now to stifled

wrapped 'round in still

quiet is not cold or pale

it is a warm red room

hot and stupefying

a drug that brings relief

shut up

shut up

let me lie still

and hear a great abyss

wide and open

constant, cruel

noise comes

my nerves

are as taut as the plucked strings

on a violin

waiting

let me sleep

let me find oblivion

that my ears may be no longer torn

with shattering sound

(See, my older younger brother, as opposed to my younger younger brother, decided he was going to raise birds. Parakeets to be precise. In his bedroom. In our very small mobile home, with paper thin walls. Did you know that parakeets, if you don't take care of them consistently, SCREECH ALL DAY AND NIGHT? I have never really liked birds since. On the bright side, I didn't have to share a bedroom with him - If I recall correctly, it was around this time that my older brother started sleeping in his car...)