Thursday, January 1, 2015

Personality Leakage

This was a pretty good year. I've been working up to it for a couple years though. I had major personal and professional crisises in 2011, that bled over into 2012, at least major to me. I've always had crisis every three years, from minor things to major stuff, but I came out of this one stronger, happier, and more at home with myself than I've ever been before. I've spent the last three years expanding into my new life, and although this year has been exhausting and stressful at times, it's been pretty good. I always told myself when I was a teen that it didn't matter if I just conformed to everything around me as it wouldn't be long before I was out on my own and could be myself. I always felt like I just had to wait and then that core self could pop out and I would be the real me.

But once you're in the habit of following along with whatever is around you, even if it's not you inside, it's hard to break. Especially when everyone around you is a bit, well, cultish. It took me three years out of graduate school, and binge-reading Ursula Vernon's LJ (hey, this is me. I have epiphanies with Ursula Vernon) to suddenly realize that....that time is now and I can let all of that old, outer self go and be myself. It's very freeing to be thinking something and then suddenly realize "hey....that's a thought from old shell-self! Off it goes!" And I've been settling into Real Me ever since. She turned out to be a pretty fun person that I'm going to be happy to live with for the rest of my life.

2014 was pretty good. I think 2015 will be better. Just watch me grow - there's no wall around me anymore.

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