But once you're in the habit of following along with whatever is around you, even if it's not you inside, it's hard to break. Especially when everyone around you is a bit, well, cultish. It took me three years out of graduate school, and binge-reading Ursula Vernon's LJ (hey, this is me. I have epiphanies with Ursula Vernon) to suddenly realize that....that time is now and I can let all of that old, outer self go and be myself. It's very freeing to be thinking something and then suddenly realize "hey....that's a thought from old shell-self! Off it goes!" And I've been settling into Real Me ever since. She turned out to be a pretty fun person that I'm going to be happy to live with for the rest of my life.
2014 was pretty good. I think 2015 will be better. Just watch me grow - there's no wall around me anymore.